


Late Night Rooftop Meetings

by boneswrites



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, All Kinds of Confessions, Angst, Confessions, Cuddles, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Protective Bones, Roommates, Star Gazing, Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 02:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9857723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneswrites/pseuds/boneswrites
Summary: Jim and Leonard seek solitude and peace on the rooftop of the dorm building. Individually. Until one day they bump into each other and it becomes their thing. Soon enough, feelings start to brew, followed by Leonard finding out what it’s like to have Jim Kirk as a roommate, to some confessions of a past, leading up to the deal breaker.Or, Jim and Leonard bicker over who the rooftop spot belongs to and they end up sharing more than just the rooftop.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Took me two weeks to get this written, but it has arrived. I apologize for any mistakes in advance. You can't have too much Academy era McKirk, huh! I hope you enjoy, and feedback is always greatly appreciated!

Jim had found it by coincidence.

He was half drunk and decided to make a trip to the roof of the students’ residence building. It took a few shoulder-pushes to get the door opened, probably because of his wobbly body, and ended up stumbling into the open area. He took a few glances around, quickly gathering that this place has most likely gone forgotten by everyone. It was dusty, the chairs and table in the middle covered in grey and the fact that it was passed midnight and the lights weren’t even on.

Jim walks to the edge and stares at the vast grounds that lie ahead, and he can see the entire campus from his position. He smiles, taking steps along the railing until he’s come full circle, marveling at the peaceful sensation surging through his veins. A gush of chilly wind swooshes through his already loose blond hair and he closes his eyes, tilting his head backwards and when he opens those shields, his breath is taken by the sight.

He’s staring up at the night sky, and it’s so clear he can see the silver stars twinkling above and shimmering. His eyes move from one ball of gas to the next, and he already images himself between them, sailing the stars and exploring the untouched. He was born among them, he is made _of_ stars. He belongs up there, and he knows it. He’s closer than he’s ever been to the since the moment he was born.

So it becomes his thing. Whenever he’d need time to think or just to be away from people, he would end up on the roof. He even finds out that it helps him study better, concentrate his energy and it just makes him happy. It’s a feeling he hasn’t felt in a long, long time. However, little did Jim know that he’s the only one that this specific rooftop gives solace to.

*****

Leonard doesn’t know how he ends up standing on the roof. His roommate is having yet another argument with his partner (it’s literally the third week of classes, how in hell did the arguments start so quickly) and Leonard found himself being shoved out of the too-small room for two adults and the door being swished closed in his face. He stands there for a few moments, trying to understand what had just happened. He takes a quick look at himself from top to bottom and is thankful to see that he has his shoes on. And then he’s on the roof.

There are a few reasons why Leonard possibly didn’t realize where his legs were carrying him too, the most prominent one would be that he yet again got lost in his thoughts about his bombed marriage and losing everything and somehow ending up at Starfleet, preparing to go out into the dark while he’s _absolutely scared shitless from whatever lies up there_. Makes sense, he muses, the world deciding to screw him over one more time because apparently the world has nothing better to do than to make damn sure that Leonard McCoy’s life is as hellish as it could get, and then adds a little more hell on top of that.

And between Leonard’s full-time class schedule and his shifts at Starfleet Medical, he could really use the silence and distance the rooftop has to offer. His face cracks into a small smile when a crispy surge of wind collides with his face.

*****

The silence Leonard has grown so accustomed to is quickly taken away when he pushes the honest to god wooden stairwell door open to the roof and is met with another person literally twirling around, clearly lost in the pair of tiny wireless earphones buried in this head, and the music Leonard could loudly hear even a few meters away.

He stands unnoticed by the door for a few more minutes, his eyebrow halfway up to his forehead and his eyes trailing the bizarre in front of him.

And then the young man finally pulls out the earphone and turns to face him. Normally, Leonard would like to think that if most people were caught in a situation like this, their faces would turn into a tomato and they’d take off. Turns out, that the man looking directly at him with the blue eyes he’s been thinking about for over a month now, is _not_ most people.

Instead, the blue-eyed kid just beams, tucking away the pieces in his sweatpants pocket.

Leonard watches his face for even the slightest expression of embarrassment but he finds none.

“Bones!”

“You remember,” Leonard groans. “I was kinda hoping you would have forgotten that.” He shakes his head, thinking back to the moment they had parted ways once they exited the recruitment shuttle, since each track had its own registering area located at different parts on campus. Leonard remembers hearing a _See ya around, Bones!_ over his shoulder. He hadn’t seen him since.

“Of course I remember!” The kid—Jim—takes a few steps towards him. “Besides, your face is not one I would forget.”

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or scared,” Leonard admits.

Jim chuckles. “I would prefer if you were flattered, yeah.”

“Can’t decide,” Leonard shrugs.

“So being grumpy really is part of you, huh. I thought it was just a thing, on the shuttle, cause of your aviophobia and all,” Jim says.

“I was drunk, and yes, the grumpiness isn’t a part-time thing. I don’t like people.”

Jim nods. “That’s a blow to the heart, man.”

“Smartass,” Leonard mumbles. “By the way, you might want to lower that music of yours a tad bit, or your heart won’t be the only thing that gets blown.”

“You going all doc on me, Bones?” Jim teases.

“Stop calling me that, and I mean it’s pretty damn obvious what loud music can do your hearing but since you’re oblivious to it, I have to warn you,” Leonard sighs.

“Warning duly noted,” Jim winks.

“What are you doing up here?” Leonard asks, changing the subject.

“What do you mean? I’m always up here,” Jim cocks his head.

“No, I’m always up here.”

Jim’s eyes go a little wide. “How long have you been coming up here?”

“I don’t know, couple of weeks, whenever I can during the day really.”

“Ah, I’m mostly up here from like, maybe twenty-three hundred to like, two in the morning.”

“That would explain why we never bump into each other. You’re up here when I’m asleep, cause you know, I can have work and classes to get to each morning,” Leonard rolls his eyes.

“Hey! I have classes too,” Jim offers a weak defense.

“Which you probably sleep through,” Leonard guesses.

Not wanting to confirm what the doctor said, Jim crosses his arms over his chest defensively. “I only go to class because attendance is mandatory, I don’t really need them to know the material.”

“Oh really? So what you’re saying is that you’re a genius,” Leonard pushes back.

Jim moves closer to Leonard, his eyes carefully trailing the other man’s skin and piercing his blue eyes into hazel ones. His tongue darts out to lick at his lips and he doesn’t miss how Leonard’s eyes follow the movement. Jim then smirks, his eyes glittering with a silver sparkle and he’s aware of how Leonard is holding his breathe. Jim is also very aware just how stunning and breathtaking the man just mere inches away truly is. He’s gonna be thinking about that face for a long time.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Jim whispers, watching as Leonard swallows. He chuckles, taking a step back. “Well, I gotta run, got some late hand to hand combat training to do. See ya around, Bones!”

Jim is very much gone when Leonard dares to breathe.

*****

Jim, Leonard finds out, truly is a genius. The doctor managed to get his hands on Jim’s file and the numbers he read were damn impressive. Leonard had hunches as to Jim’s parenthood but he didn’t pry, surely there isn’t only one Kirk family in the world. Although, now knowing Jim’s scores and his academic standing, Leonard’s gut was telling him he was right.

But he wouldn’t bring it up with Jim, whenever they meet again (because Leonard is sure the universe wants to mess with him a little more). He might ask if Jim ever brings it up. If Leonard made the connection, no doubt many more people have too, and he is pretty sure Jim is already dreading people realizing who he is. But you’ve got no hand in who your parents are, and that’s something Jim has to deal with for the rest of his life.

Because Leonard is right about the universe’s plans for him, he does see Jim a couple days later. But not in on the rooftop, but in the emergency room. His shift was almost done, he had a little under forty five minutes left, and he’s been on his feet since seven in the morning and all he wanted to do was go to his dorm and sleep. It was Friday night and he was really looking forward to sleeping in. And then he spots a very much bruised Jim Kirk walk through the sliding door, a hand belonging to Christopher Pike latched onto his arm to keep him from crumbling to the ground.

Leonard sighs, observing the two men for a few moments before willing his feet to move.

“Ah, McCoy,” Pike calls out, spotting the doctor walking towards them.

“Captain Pike,” Leonard nods. “Jim.”

“Bones!” Jim exclaims, in far too much delight than a man in pain should express.

“Would you do the honors of checking this one over?” Pike rolls his eyes at Jim.

“It would be my pleasure, this way.” Leonard leads Jim and Pike into a private room, making sure the door closes behind them. “Hop on the bed,” he orders Jim.

Jim complies, wincing when he settles down.

“What happened?”

“James Kirk is a gigantic idiot,” Pike answers.

Leonard chuckles. “That ain’t news, Captain.”

“Afraid you’re right, son,” Pike sighs. “Hand to hand combat,” he continues. “I don’t know what the hell Jim did, but he ended up falling on his head.”

“And the bruises?” Leonard asks, running a tricorder over Jim who’s too silent for the doctor’s comfort.

“The actual fight,” Pike clarifies.

Leonard nods, reading the results off the tricorder. “Well, you’ve got a pretty bad concussion, kid. And you’ve got a few cracked ribs, hence the pain when you were moving. And I’ll get on those bruises, too. Take your shirt off.” Leonard turns to grab the osteoregen unit for Jim’s ribs.

“Ah Bones, you finally caved, huh?” Jim teases, his voice a little weak but the smirk was still pretty loud and clear.

“I think you hit your head too hard, Jim,” Leonard says over his shoulder.

“You sure…you really…haven’t….caved in?” Jim breathes between the words as he takes off his shirt. “I mean, look what you’re passing.”

Leonard turns and is faced with a…well, a pretty damn beautiful body. The skin is tanned, muscles toned and strongly defined, and Leonard was having a hard time tearing his eyes away. The things he wants to do to that body.

He somehow manages to break the spell and return to gathering his supplies. The smirk never leaves Jim’s face as long as Leonard works and the older man really hopes that Jim can’t see his flushed cheeks. If anyone asks, he’ll say it’s the heat and stress of a long day.

“Rest the weekend and you’ll be as good as new on Monday,” Leonard finally says, stepping away from the biobed.

“Someone should keep an eye on him,” Pike crosses his arms over his chest.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Jim objects.

“Not necessarily a babysitter but someone to stay with you at least tonight because of that concussion you so gracefully sported,” Leonard clarifies.

Pike turns his head towards Leonard and Leonard’s eyes go wide. “No, no way, nope,” he objects.

“You’re the best option. And your roommate moved out.”

Leonard runs a hand through his unruly hair and sighs. He has no idea how or why he utters the next words, but he does. “Damn it, fine. But only tonight.”

“See? I knew you were under my spell,” Jim winks.

“Shut up or the only spell you’ll be under will knock you out till Monday,” Leonard warns.

Jim spends the entire weekend in Leonard’s dorm.

*****

They don’t see much of each other the week following Jim’s camping weekend in Leonard’s dorm. It was a comfortable time, though, Jim found out that Leonard can cook and Leonard found out that Jim is an octopus when he sleeps. Leonard couldn’t let Jim sleep on his former roommate’s bed the first night, in case something went wrong with Jim’s head and the doctor woke up to Jim’s arms and legs tangled around his body. And then the realization that he too had his arms and legs holding onto Jim hit him, and his cheeks flushed red. He got up before Jim, and they didn’t talk about it.

Leonard wasn’t blind, and he knew how he would feel butterflies in his stomach whenever Jim would smile at him—which he did…a lot. Yeah, butterflies. And Leonard is automatically a teenager with a crush again. He shakes his head roughly, he’s a grown ass man, he doesn’t develop _crushes_. Still, it does nothing in changing how he feels about the blue-eyed kid.

They meet again in the mess hall. Leonard’s sitting on a table at the end of the vast room, flipping through an electronic textbook on his PADD, his food untouched when someone slides into the chair in front of him with a tray.

“There you are.”

Leonard immediately recognizes the voice. He looks up to see those eyes looking at him, and a smirk just below. “Jim.”

“Bones,” Jim returns, picking up a french fry and tossing it into his mouth.

Leonard frowns. “Do you every eat anything healthy?”

Jim shrugs, eating more fries and pushes the plate towards Leonard in invitation.

“No, thanks. I don’t want to give myself heart problems.”

Jim chuckles. “You sound like you’re a hundred, geez Bones.”

“I feel like I’m a hundred,” Leonard mutters, turning back to his PADD.

“I need to introduce you to a concept called having fun,” Jim says, taking a sip from his soda pop.

Leonard raises an eyebrow and looks back up at Jim. “Does that concept involve anything aside from going to bars, getting shitfaced leaving to that head of yours getting beaten in?”

“Well…yeah. If you give me a chance,” Jim winks.

“See, that wink is what terrifies me,” Leonard admits.

Jim full on laughs out loud, and Leonard can’t help but smile at the sound. It makes his heart jump in his chest.

“Oh my God,” Jim gasps. “You smiled! I made you smile! You smiled!” He squeals with happiness.

Leonard chuckles. “Believe it or not, but I am capable of smiling, kid.”

“Wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t just witnessed it,” Jim shakes his head.

“Well, surprise.”

“I am surprised, and in the good way,” Jim beams, his eyes sparkling again and they gaze at each other for a few moments without saying a word.

Leonard clears his throat. “How’s the rest of the day for you?”

“Hand to hand combat and then Diplomacy and ending off with Warp Theory. You?”

“Two hours of Xenobiology and then a long hospital shift,” Leonard sighs.

“Wanna hang out on the rooftop when you’re off?” Jim suggests.

“Sure, I’d like that,” Leonard nods.

“Awesome! Comm me when you’re done.”

“Will do. Also, I don’t wanna see you next with bruises all over your face, please.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jim chuckles, saluting Leonard.

*****

Leonard didn’t really know what to expect. As promised, he had commed Jim as soon as he walked out of the hospital and was instantly replied to. He could sense the excitement in Jim’s message that it expelled some of the built up stress caught in his shoulder blades. He wasn’t surprised when he stepped onto the roof and was met by a smile on a battered face. Good thing he has his medical kit, call it doctor’s instincts if you’d like, but Jim was getting an earful.

“I asked for too much, didn’t I?” Leonard sighs.

“What?”

“Your face. It’s all bruised, Jim,” Leonard points out.

“Oh! That. Right.”

“Wait, you forgot your face was all blue?” Leonard asks, leaning in to inspect the slightly pale face, noticing dried specks of blood above Jim’s mouth, probably from a bleeding nose.

“Psshh, what? Of course I didn’t. It just…isn’t a big deal,” Jim huffs.

Leonard glares at Jim before pulling back, retrieving the regen unit from his kit and turning back to Jim. “With this rate you’re going at, I don’t know how much of your face will be left in six months, kid. Don’t move.” Leonard runs the regen over Jim’s face.

Jim shrugs, closing his eye and letting Leonard do his job. They sit in silence for a few minutes until Leonard switches the regen off and pats Jim’s shoulder. “All done. Don’t screw up the work tomorrow.”

“Always the optimist, Bones,” Jim smiles.

Leonard grumbles, zipping up his medical kit.

“I’ve got something for you that might make it up,” Jim says, pulling out a bottle of bourbon and holding it in the air.

Leonard’s eyes go wide. “How did you know?”

“I saw it in your dorm.”

“This isn’t the bottle I have, is it?” Leonard narrows his eyes.

“No,” Jim answers with a chuckle. “I mean, I hope one day I have the honor of owning the code to your room but last time I checked I don’t have it, unfortunately.”

“Honor, my ass,” Leonard murmurs, getting closer to Leonard. “Pour us some of that, I could use it.”

Jim complies, handing Leonard a glass as they settle on the blanket Jim thoughtfully brought up with him.

They sip at their drinks in comfortable silence for a few minutes, hearing distant chatter beneath them and watching the endless lights ahead blend into the dark sky above.

“It proved to me that I was alive,” Jim says out of nowhere.

“What?” Leonard frowns.

“The fights and the bruises, they proved that I was alive,” Jim clarifies. “I could practically hear you asking the question in that heads of yours.”

Leonard’s cheeks flush a little.

“I mean, at least back then.”

“Back then?”

“When I was a kid, a teenager. Everything was, well everything was shit and it’s not like I had a support system to help me through it or whatever. So I did what I knew how to do best: fighting. And when I would look in the mirror and see the evidence, I would know that I’m not dead.”

Leonard’s eyes stay on Jim’s face, which is looking at the ground now.

“It’s no secret who my father is and what happened back then so it’s like…I don’t know, it’s hard to do stuff without being associated with him, you know.”

“I didn’t wanna pry,” Leonard speaks up. “Felt like you’d already have enough of that going on.”

Jim faces Leonard, his eyes softening. “Well, you’d be the first. Everyone else…it’s the first thing they talk to me about and it sometimes feels like it’s the only reason they wanna hang out or even share a meal. Even the professors, they give introductions to who I am and where I came from, it’s almost like I’m a prize being shown off to people. Oh look, remember that hero George Kirk whose son grew up without a father and had a screwed up life? Yeah, look at us giving that son a chance to be something at life,” Jim mocks. “It’s almost like I’m a charity case.”

“Fuck them, all of them. If they can’t see past your parentage, past who your father was, if they can’t see _you_ …then they don’t deserve you. I haven’t known you for long, kid, but I can tell that you’re more than just your father’s son,” Leonard comforts.

“You’re so unlike everyone else, Bones.”

“I keep up with you because of who you are, not what name your father had.”

“Thanks, Bones,” Jim smiles, a little color painting his cheeks.

“What brought this on, though?”

Jim shrugs.

“Come on, I won’t believe that. You were fine during lunch.”

“I just…got tired of hearing it everywhere I go, I guess. I mean, it’s hard enough growing up with all that coming from my own family, but to also hear it from complete strangers too…it’s tiring.”

“Your own family?” Leonard’s eyebrows crease together.

“My mom could never look at me because I reminded her of what happened and of…him. My brother always blamed me for our dad dying and he left home when I was barely twelve. Haven’t seen him since.”

“Goddamn it,” Leonard curses, feeling anger boiling in his veins at the mere thought of anyone neglecting and rejecting Jim.

“It’s okay though, because I have you now,” Jim smiles.

“Yeah you do, kid, yeah you do,” Leonard nods.

Jim has Leonard’s dorm code by the end of the night. And he crashes on Leonard’s couch.


	2. Chapter 2

It takes Jim two weeks to start using Leonard’s dorm code haphazardly.

It’s in the middle of the night, after a long day of classes and patients, Leonard was looking forward to getting some shut eye. But turns out, there’s no such thing when you’re best friends with Jim Kirk.

Leonard registers the movement in his room but ignores it in his sleep haze. And then the bed is dipping and he’s burying his face further into the pillow.

“Bones,” he hears his nickname being whispers.

He doesn’t respond, hoping it will go away.

“Bones.” It happens again. Right, there’s no ‘go away’ in Jim’s dictionary. “Are you awake?”

Leonard grunts, turning his head away from Jim’s voice.

“Bones,” Jim semi-whines, “wake up.”

“Goddamn it,” Leonard curses, opening an eye to steal a look at the chrono on his nightstand. “It’s three in the damn morning. Have you even slept?”

“I can sleep later, get up, you won’t wanna miss this,” Jim says.

“Oh I wanna miss this, I wanna sleep,” Leonard insists.

“Trust me,” Jim pleads. “It will be worth it.”

Leonard grumbles, feeling his hoodie land on his head and the covers being pulled back. “I swear to God Jim, if it’s something as stupid, I’m gonna kill you.”

Jim chuckles. “Noted, but there won’t be any need for killing anyone.”

Leonard puts his hoodie on and slips on his boots, following Jim out of the dorm and into the turbo lift, and they head for the roof.

“Jesus, it’s freezing,” Leonard groans as soon as they step onto the platform.

Jim responds by draping a blanket over Leonard’s shoulders.

“Came prepared, I see,” Leonard rolls his eyes.

“Don’t want anything to mess this up,” Jim says.

“Mess what up, Jim?” Leonard looks around, everything practically unchanged since the last time they were up there.

“Come on,” Jim wraps a hand around Leonard’s bicep and ushers him forward.

They take a seat on their makeshift blanket sitting and a breeze whirls by, Leonard still confused.

“You dragged me up here to sit in the cold silence?”

“Any moment now,” Jim whispers, more to himself than to Leonard.

Leonard looks at Jim, who’s staring up at the sky, for a few moments before he too diverts his eyes to the black above them.

A minute or so later, the entire city dims out and Leonard quickly turns his head back to Jim.

“What the hell did you do?”

Jim chuckles. “Nothing, it’s scheduled. Means it’s real close now.”

“You aren’t making a lick of sense, kid.”

Just like that, the entire sky lights up with different colors, white and blue and red and yellow and Leonard feels his jaw falling wide open and his eyebrows traveling up his forehead. And he’s suddenly overcome with something he’s never felt before, something he can’t quite name but it relaxes him, puts his heart to ease and his soul to peace.

“Jim, is that…” Leonard hears himself speak.

“Yeah, it is. Didn’t want you to miss it.”

Leonard can’t see Jim, but he can damn well hear the smirk in his voice.

A meteor shower. Jim woke Leonard up in the dead of night because he didn’t want him to miss out on this rare, breathtaking sight. Leonard definitely doesn’t feel Jim scoot closer to him. There’s nothing romantic about this, nothing at all, absolutely not. _Bullshit_ , Leonard thinks. _This is as romantic as romantic gets_.

He tears his eyes away from the shiny movement in the sky and looks at Jim, watching the absolute sheer amazement and excitement radiate in his bluer than normal eyes. And Leonard feels himself smile. It’s crazy how easily the kid can make the old man’s face tug upwards, it happens so naturally and it feels right. The thought scares Leonard, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Jim’s voice cuts through the silence.

“Yeah, it is,” Leonard answers, not looking at the sky but at Jim.

Jim’s eyes breaks and they find Leonard’s, a faint pink coloring his cheeks when he realizes that Leonard was talking about him. And in a moment of courage, Jim’s hand reaches out and grips Leonard’s. It takes the doctor a couple beats but he allows for their fingers to slide together and it’s a wonder how perfectly they fit together. Jim gives the hand a little squeeze, one that Leonard returns.

“Move in with me,” the words roll off Leonard’s tongue so easily.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I mean, you’re already staying there all the time and you even pass out in there. And I have an empty bed.”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Jim’s eyes sparkle, the silver gleam that Leonard oh so greatly adores.

And Leonard knows he’s done the right thing.

*****

The plan is seen through and they agree in letting Jim take Leonard’s extra bed. And it also turns out that having Jim occasionally pass out on the couch and him actually living there permanently are two completely different things, Leonard leans the hard way. He can mostly handle it, and they shuffle out the door every morning with just enough time to get to their classes without being late. It’s nothing short of a miracle, Leonard thinks every morning.

Okay, there may have been two or three incidents where Leonard couldn’t handle Jim, one of them being a naked meeting that Leonard would not like to think about, thank you very much. They haven’t talked about the whole holding hands thing nor have done anything else since.

It’s a Saturday and Leonard is woken up by his chrono alarm. He groans, his arm darting out to silence the damn thing and sighs when the blissful quiet rings through the dorm. It’s still quiet, which is a good sigh, means that Jim is getting some much needed rest. Leonard turns on his side to find himself staring at Jim’s very much empty bed.

He frowns, kicking the cover away and getting up, running his hand through his messy hair in an attempt to tame it and spots Jim slouched in a chair on their balcony.

“Thought you’d be sleeping in,” Leonard approaches Jim, leaning in the doorway.

Jim shrugs. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“How long have you been awake?”

“I don’t know, a few hours,” Jim sighs.

“A few—damn it, Jim, why didn’t you wake me?”

“You have a long day, Bones, you needed the sleep,” Jim argues tiredly.

“I thought we talked about this,” Leonard kneels in front of Jim, “you need me, you wake me up.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Jim tries.

“Yeah, and have you looked in a mirror?” Leonard shoots back, his eyes roaming over Jim’s face, taking in his bloodshot eyes and black bags hanging under them.

Jim sighs again, his eyes looking straight ahead at the near deserted grounds, as a campus should be at seven in the morning.

“You want me to come back early? I can get someone to cover my shift and class won’t take long—”

“No, Bones,” Jim interrupts. “I’m fine. I’ll be here when you get back.”

Leonard stays silent, knowing that pushing Jim would do no good and it certainly won’t help in getting him to open up either. “Okay, but if you need anything, comm me, please.”

Jim nods.

 _Damn make up class_ , Leonard thinks as he retreats into the room, heading for the bathroom. At least he would have been able to stay with Jim for a few hours before his hospital shift if it weren’t for the professor who decided to skip out on two lectures.

He’s dressed in his cadet reds twenty minutes later, grabbing his PADDs and books and stealing one last look at Jim who’s still sitting exactly where Leonard left him. Leonard makes sure to see how full the bottle of bourbon is before skipping out, deciding to check it again when he’s back.

*****

Leonard doesn’t think much of it when he calls Jim after his class and he doesn’t pick up. Hoping that Jim was getting his much needed rest, he sent him a quick messaged and walked across the grounds to Starfleet Medical for his shift.

Injuries started pouring in minutes after his arrival and he was quickly sucked into the fast and chaotic atmosphere, stitching up cadets left and right, ordering all kinds of tests as he moved along and ran a bunch of regen cycles. It seemed like the Idiot requirement to enlist in Starfleet doesn’t decrease during the weekend. That reminds Leonard of Jim. Right. Jim. Leonard didn’t have a chance to check his comm amidst all the shuffling that went on, he quickly digs his hand into his pocket and retrieves the unit, his heart jumping in his chest as he yanks flips it open.

Nothing.

“Come on, Jim, pick up, pick up,” Leonard mumbles as he tries to call his best friend again.

No answer.

“Goddamn it!” He shoves the comm back into his pocket and hurries towards the longue to gather his stuff. Spotting Christine Chapel at the nearby nurse’s station, he slows down just enough for her to hear him. “Listen, I gotta go, it’s Jim.”

“Jim?” He hears her ask behind him, and he suspects she’s following him into the room.

“Yeah,” Leonard sighs.

“Is he okay?”

Leonard pauses long enough to turn to face her. “I don’t know.”

“Okay, go, I’ll find someone to fill in for you, say it was an emergency. Shift’s done in a couple of hours anyway,” Christine says.

“Thank you,” Leonard nods and bolts.

He takes the quickest route to the housing building, practically running and feeling his muscles burn and scream at him. It’s been a long time since he’s sprinted but he has to get to the dorm as soon as he can.

He’s panting, punching in his code and yelling out Jim’s name before the door slides open. “Jim!”

Leonard steps into the dark room, it’s eerily quiet, the only sound he hears is the thumping of his own heart in his chest. It takes his eyes a few moments to adjust and then he sees a silhouette sitting on the floor and leaning back against one of the beds. A moving silhouette. At least he’s alive.

“Jim?” Leonard speaks up again, softer this time. He drops his stuff on the nearest surface and crouches next to Jim, a hand going up to gently squeeze his shoulder.

No response comes from the blond.

“Jim, you okay, kid?”

And then he hears the smallest of exhales.

“Did you leave the room at all today?” Leonard asks instead.

Jim shakes his head.

“Can I turn on the lights? I need to see that you’re okay.”

Jim doesn’t object, so Leonard takes that as an okay.

“Lights, twenty percent,” Leonard orders, making sure not to make it too bright for Jim who’s been undoubtedly sitting in the darkness for quite some time. He looks at Jim as soon as the room lights up and realizes that his face is scrunched up and his eyes are painfully shut with a deep frown sitting on his forehead. He hasn’t even seen Leonard come in.

Jim blindly reaches for a glass by his side and takes a sip, prompting Leonard to glance over at the counter where he saw the bourbon all those hours ago. It was gone.

“I’m here, Jim, talk to me, come on,” Leonard pleads, his worry increasing by the second.

“Can’t talk about it,” Jim slurs.

Leonard yanks the glass from Jim’s cup and reaches around to wrap his hand around the alarmingly almost empty bottle.

A little whine escapes from Jim’s lips as he poorly attempts to take the glass back, no doubt his mind foggy and limbs heavy.

“No, Jim, you’ve had enough,” Leonard says, it comes out harsher than he intended but Jim draws back.

Jim leans his head back against the mattress.

“Fine then, I’m gonna sit right here until you’re ready to talk, kid,” Leonard decides, putting the glass and bottle aside and settling down next to Jim.

Minutes or hours pass until Jim moves, Leonard doesn’t know. But he stays still, not wanting to startle the blond. Jim is adjusting himself so he can sit facing the doctor, Leonard realizes. He twists his head sideways to look at Jim, the strong blue of his eyes radiating and so clear.

“Today,” Jim starts but doesn’t continue, noticing how uneven his voice is. He takes a deep breath and tries again. “Today is a horrible day.”

Leonard’s brows crease with confusion. He’s aware of which day Jim would spend like this, but it wasn’t his birthday. He begins to suspect there’s another day in Jim’s life that falls under the Terrible category. His face quickly heats up and his heart begins to hammer roughly against his ribs.

“What’s today, Jim?” Leonard carefully asks.

Jim closes his eyes, biting on his bottom lip and taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “Today is…the day the Tarsus incident begun.” And when he can finally open his eyes, Leonard is even more confused.

Leonard knew about the Tarsus IV Massacre, he didn’t know the details, but he knew what went down and what those innocent people went through. So many lives had been lost because of one person whose heart was cold and soul was dry. It was the biggest and most tragic event in the history of the Federation, but Leonard didn’t understand why Jim was acting like this. Leonard was definitely empathetic to what had happened and it does hurt, as it should, but the way Jim is acting…

Suddenly Leonard knew. Suddenly it all made sense. The gap in Jim’s medical file that had been eating at Leonard had an explanation.

The tears were building up in Leonard’s eyes before he can even think about stopping them. Jim was on Tarsus. And it hits harder than he ever imagined a single sentence was capable of.

“You…” Leonard starts but his throat is so dry. He swallows and licks his lips. “You were on Tarsus.” It isn’t a question because Leonard knows he’s right. And oh what he would give not to be right.

Ever so slowly, Jim nods, his lids opening and a heavy tear rushing down his cheeks.

A sigh of disbelief escapes Leonard’s parted lips and there isn’t anything he can do except stare at Jim. He looks at him so closely, taking in the creases of his cheeks, the wrinkles pulled from the corner of his eyes, the captivating colors of his irises, the delicate curve of his nose and the fullness of his bright red lips.

And Leonard is suddenly overtaken by the desperate need to touch Jim, to hold him, to protect him, to make sure he’s really here. His arm reaches out and cups the side of Jim’s face, and the younger man lets his eyes slide back closed and leans into Leonard’s strong palm. And then Leonard is moving his entire body, moving closer to Jim and leans in, pressing his forehead against Jim’s and holding it there.

Against the black ahead of Leonard’s vision, he conjures an image of a younger Jim, barely a teenager, really just a kid, and his heart drops. His heart drops because he can see the dirt and grime on Jim’s face, covering up the perfect color of his skin, making the smooth so rugged, his blond hair darkened by the ash and smoke, his lips chapped and dry from the atmosphere and dehydration, his eyes tired and scared but the blue never vanishes.

Leonard suspects there’s a fire ablaze inside Jim, a fire so strong that shines through his very own eyes, powering the blue and fueling his energy.

“I can still hear the screams,” Jim whispers. “I can still smell the smoke, see the burning ash floating around, remember how hot and humid it was, making the dirt stick to my skin. I remember knowing that if I see someone, I might never see them again. I remember wondering why my name was on the kill list. I remember wondering why wasn’t I good enough to live. I remember how small some of the kids felt in my arms, how light they were, and how they cried when they didn’t want me to leave. But I had to. I had to go get food from anywhere. I had to feed them, they were already weak enough as it is. I came back the first few times. But then I was captured. And I wondered, sitting in that dark cell, if the kids had survived without the food I was bringing back. I wondered if anyone would be left. I got out, managed to escape and ran back as fast as I could. Some were still there, others weren’t. I remember how heavy it felt, the pang against my chest. I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t enough.”

“Jim, Jim, darlin’, Jim,” Leonard hears himself say. “You did everything you could, you protected those kids, you fed them. You were just a kid yourself but you helped them survive. You saved them. You were enough, Jim, you gave them everything you had.”

At some point as Jim was talking, Leonard’s free had found its way to the other side of Jim’s face, and Leonard was now looking at Jim through his dark eyelashes, Jim’s eyes still closed, but evidence of escaped tears marked on his cheeks. Leonard’s thumbs were moving gently against Jim’s cheekbones, back and forth, in a gesture of support and strength.

“I can still see their faces,” Jim’s voice quivers.

Leonard knew what Jim was saying but didn’t have the strength to speak out loud, Jim was wondering why he survived while so many other people didn’t. Jim was suffering from survivor’s guilt.

“I’m so glad you made it out, Jim, because I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. You saw _me_ , not my issues, not my stubbornness and the walls I built around myself, you saw who I am and you accepted me. I don’t remember the last time anyone has done that. I’m glad you survived.”

Jim slightly pulls away, enough to open his eyes and look at Leonard’s close face. The older man’s eyes so calm and filled with compassion and care, it makes Jim’s heart skip a beat. And then Jim’s drawing into Leonard’s body, tucking his face in the crook of the doctor’s neck and holding onto the firm body.

Leonard’s hand finds its way into Jim’s hair, his long fingers running gently through the blond locks.

“I…”

“Shh, don’t say anything,” Leonard’s soft voice echoes in Jim’s ear.

But there’s so much Jim wants to say. But he finds that he’s too tired to speak, as Leonard probably suspected. It will have to wait.

They stay curled up together until Jim’s breathing evens out and his exhausted body starts to give out, leaning heavily against Leonard.

“Let’s get you to bed, lord knows you need the rest,” Leonard murmurs, catching on the hint Jim’s body gave.

Supporting Jim’s body, Leonard gets to his feet and keeps Jim from stumbling the few steps around the bed. Jim plops down, nuzzling his face into the pillow. After making sure Jim was tucked and covered, Leonard hovers over him for a few moments, but just as he’s walking away, he feels weak fingers wrap around his wrist.

“Don’t leave,” Jim whispers, already half asleep.

Leonard freezes for a few seconds before kicking his shoes off and getting into bed behind Jim. It’s too small for two grown men, but they make it work. Their bodies aligned perfectly, from their chests to their toes, with Leonard’s arm securely around Jim’s waist.

In a daring move, Leonard leans in and brushes a kiss to the nape of Jim’s neck. “I’m right here, darlin’.”

Jim gives him the smallest of nods, his body gravitating into Leonard’s chest and he drifts off.

*****

It’s spontaneous. They’re sitting on Leonard’s bed, Jim cradling a bowl of popcorn against his chest while they watch a holovid of one of Jim’s favorite films. And then Jim’s putting the bowl on the side and turning to face Leonard. And then their lips are pressed together. But of course, it isn’t that simple.

Jim stares at Leonard for a few moments before he moves in, noticing the wrinkles by his eyes, and the small tug of a smile on his lips. Not to mention following the movement of Leonard’s chewing. Jim then swallows and removes the bowl from his lap, setting it on the floor next to the bed.

“What?” Leonard frowns, watching as Jim switches off the holo. “That was a good one, you know.”

“Yeah I know, I just…” Jim takes a deep breath, composing himself. “There’s something that’s been on my mind.”

“Okay,” Leonard nods.

“It’s…it’s about you and I.”

“What about us?” Leonard raises an eyebrow.

 _To hell with it_ , Jim thinks. It’s easier to just show him. With his mind made up, Jim closes the already small distance between them and brushing his lips against Leonard’s. It’s simple, gentle, a light press, tentative, calculating. And he feels Leonard’s mouth moving against his before the doctor is pulling back, his cheeks flushes.

“Bones,” Jim whispers.

“Jim, I…”

“Just, listen to me,” Jim pleads. He continues when Leonard remains silent. “There’s something here, something between us, and I know you feel it, too. Maybe you’ve felt it all alone, just like I did. Or maybe it took you a while to catch on but I know you feel it.” Jim doesn’t miss how Leonard’s eyes move with him when his tongue darts out to lick at his lips.

The air is heavy between them, they’re both panting, eyes grazing each other. And then Leonard breaks the silence.

“It’s not you, Jim, it’s me. I’m…too much to handle.”

Jim scoffs. “Have you met me?”

Leonard sighs.

“I want this, just like I know you want it too. But you’re scared, and so am I. But Bones,” Jim pauses. “This friendship is the most important thing to me, and the last thing I would want is to fuck it up. But there’s this part of me that believes that we can be so much more. We’re good for each other, we’re stronger together.”

Leonard believes the same things spilling out of Jim’s lips. He’s tried to ignore it, to push it aside but he can’t do that any longer. It’s time to stop running from his feelings.

“Don’t you think so, Bones? Don’t you think we’re so much more?” Jim’s eyes are glistening, and Leonard can’t help but fall in love with him all over again.

“Yeah, darlin’, I do,” Leonard whispers.

And suddenly Leonard finds himself with a lapful of Jim, and he’s leaning in to meet him halfway. This kiss is different, it’s eager and strong and confident. Leonard’s hands claw at the back of Jim’s shirt, while Jim’s hands are holding Leonard’s face. They separate for a second before going back in, this time Leonard’s tongue shoots out to pry Jim’s lips apart, seeking entry which Jim easily grants, a moan escaping in the process. They explore and study and reassure, they become one. And then they slow down, believing that they now belong to each other.

Their hearts thump together, and they catch their breath, Jim’s face in Leonard’s neck and they feel lighter. Jim’s hand goes up to caress Leonard’s cheek, and the older man move his face so he can plant a kiss to Jim’s palm.

“I love you, Bones.”

“I love you too, darlin’.”

It’s so right.

*****

Years later, when he feels it’s time, Leonard proposes to Jim on the rooftop.

Jim says yes.


End file.
